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When I first read this book, as a teenager, I remember an English teacher telling me: ‘I don’t like Sylvia Plath, because of the effect it has on girls like you.’ I think what she meant by that was that it was somehow glamorising extreme depression. Do you worry about that, with Sylvia Plath’s writing, and story? The plot had a few twists which I quite enjoyed as they added something a little extra to the story. We get to see the reason behind Barb and Jess’ friendship break down, and even get a look into the truth behind Barb’s mother who died during childbirth. Behind it of course is the tragedy of what happened to Sylvia Plath. I called my book Mad Girl partly for her poem ‘Mad Girl’s Love Song’, which is also the inscription:
That is literally how it works. It shuts you off to connection and information and hope, and in doing so, it has a better chance at continuing its relentless march on your soul. The only way to really deal with it is to try your very best to open your mind, even if only by a millimetre at first. The only way to deal with it is to get out of your own way. What does getting out of your own way involve? Educated by Tara Westover, which is fascinating; also Bonjour Tristesse by Françoise Sagan and The Lost Properties of Love by Sophie Ratcliffe. Since I got sober, reading has been a real joy for me, because before, I’d get into bed drunk and then not be able to concentrate the next morning because of the hangover. Now I read! I was 30 when I found the first bald spot on my head. I'm not saying I handled it well but I can't imagine how I'd have coped with the news as a teenage girl. Like the main character of Bryony Gordon's novel, my hair was something that people always commented on. I wasn't at Rapunzel levels but it was the thing I got the most compliments for. Cut to a few years later and it's gone along with my eyelashes and eyebrows. My 16-year-old self would never have left the house. I am totally in favour of alopecia awareness in literature. We need more stories that show it doesn't have to be the end of the world. That's what Let Your Hair Down was meant to do.
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I could have been infected by the surgeon who removed my appendix in 1989. I could be in a café and someone could sneeze and the sneeze could contain tiny globules of blood that could land on my eyeballs without me even knowing, your eyeballs being one of the most permeable parts of your body. And who was to say that the disease wouldn’t evolve and become airborne? Scientists, probably, but I wasn’t one of them and I didn’t know any and so off my imagination went, coming up with more and more elaborate ways for me to die before I had reached my thirteenth birthday. A mental-health issue will not be able to do much damage in an abundance of connection and community. Mental illness gets its claws in by cutting us off from these things. It works by making us feel freakish, by convincing us that nobody will understand what we are going through. What is unusual about this particular bout of low mood is that far from feeling as if I am the only person in the world who feels like this – as is normal with mental illness – I get the sense, increasingly, that everyone does.
About six months ago, I collapsed in the kitchen whilst making my daughter’s breakfast. I am not a person prone to fainting fits, so it took me by surprise, not least because it was accompanied by a sudden spike in my resting heart rate, my smart watch informing me it had gone from 52 beats per minute to 170 in what felt like a split second. I came to on the floor, with a butter knife in my hand. All I remember thinking was: thank God I wasn’t carving a roast. You haven’t touched alcohol for 16 months, after an addict ion to it. How has day-to-day life changed?I interviewed GPs, paramedics and Samaritans volunteers in an attempt to bring together useful advice, which could help people in crisis. The irony is not lost on me that since I wrote the book, I have personally had to refer to it to get myself out of my own depressive ruts.
M: Bryony and I both have the same type of OCD and I’d never actually met anyone with the same type before either. Add a sprinkle of social media, and you have a recipe for anxiety and depression. Though there have been periods of relative normality, emerging variants mean continued uncertainty. Judging by the tone of the story there is going to be some kind of reconciliation between them later on in the book when she is allowed to finally explain herself, which is going to be satisfying and nice especially since Jess is a friend from her childhood. My daughter speaks to CAMHS [Children and Adolescent Mental Health Services] on an almost daily basis but they cannot refer him to get help for three years, by which time he will be an adult. His school has been wonderful and does all it can. But he is refusing to get up and go in. Our only recourse would be to seek help privately but it is beyond our means. To make matters worse, until my grandson can get a referral he cannot receive treatment or any medication – which apparently GPs are unable to do or provide. As it so happens, my house is currently in possession of such a boiler, and I have no excuse…I am 41, I own the property and I should have called a repair person weeks ago.
B: The thing about running or any exercise in general is that you will never regret going. People talk a lot about the physical benefits but whenever I’ve tried to do it for that reason, I couldn’t get into it because I was doing it for the loss, not for the gain. The moment I started doing it for mental clarity and endorphins I found it really fun. Kids exercise without even realising it, they just jump around and have fun. M: I think Mental Health Mates has played a massive part in people being able to talk openly about their mental health. My husband and I had to eat together, at the table. We had to spend time together that did not involve looking at our phones or the television. I had to stop overwhelming myself with work I didn’t need to do. I had to prioritise the things that gave value to my life – running with my friend Emma, reading, baking and cooking with my daughter. Strangely, the more I cooked, the less I binged. It was almost as if I was trying to take care of myself again. This was such an enjoyable and easy read! It kept me engaged the whole way through and the story was so clever! I loved Barb's character and how, just like the original Rapunzel, her story is ultimately one of self-discovery and learning how to make a stand against those who want to control you. Barb's Aunt Sorchia was such a twisted character! Sometimes I felt pity but then other times I couldn't stand her and despised the hold she had over Barb. The author did such a great job of writing about social media in a way that's accessible to everyone. She took an incredibly hard topic and was able to present it in a way that I think all readers will be able to resonate with whether they are big into social media or not. There’s that special kind of laughter when you start off crying, but then somebody says something to make you laugh at the same time—
Absolutely. Although, the funny thing is that sometimes you do need to get out of bed and go to work. Sometimes staying at home and lying in bed all day can be the least helpful thing. It’s been like this since… well, for at least a year I would suppose, not that I had any sense of time passing, of life progressing or moving forward. Some days are gloopier than others. While some people with OCD become obsessed with cleanliness, it is more likely that they are trying to dispel intrusive thoughts about contamination, from dirt and diseases. When I was 11 I became convinced that I had Aids, and that I was going to infect my family. I washed my hands until they bled and slept with my toothbrush under my pillow so I couldn’t infect anyone. Others worry that if things aren’t “just right”, then bad things might happen. I had started to hide my toothbrush under my pillow instead of keeping it in the bathroom because I was terrified I would pass my illness to my family. I stopped holding my baby brother, or playing with my annoying little sister, because as annoying as she was I did not want her to die. It was one thing living with the possibility of being ill yourself, quite another with the possibility you might have condemned someone you love to the same fate.OCD has many different subtypes but broadly speaking it involves carrying out behaviours (compulsions) to try to get rid of distressing thoughts (obsessions). To wit: when I was a teenager, I would have to chant phrases to make sure my baby brother was safe. It can happen at any age, though symptoms are most likely to start in childhood. Some women with no prior history of OCD develop it in pregnancy. I should know, having been one of them. It’s not a surprise to me, then, that I hear this resistance, over and over, when people get in touch to ask for advice on how to deal with a mental health issue. Time and time again, they have done therapy, but it didn’t quite work for me. They have thought about going on antidepressants, but pills aren’t really my thing. They have considered going to a 12-step meeting for their alcohol problem, but I’ve heard it’s a bit like a cult, and I’m not into cults. It is why loved ones of ill people can find us so very frustrating to deal with. Mental illness closes your mind
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